DWMA Guidelines
by 9foxgrl
Summary: Because some students cannot go one week at school with out getting into trouble or ending up in the infirmary. Nygus and Chrona are over worked as it is. So please read the guidelines and stop pissing off Death the Kid!
1. Chapter 1

DWMA Guidelines

9foxgrl

Nygus looked up as he assistant patched up another freshman. The eighth one that day. Chrona finished the bandages and shooed him off.

Chrona had lost her weapon Ragnarok in the battle against Medusa. She now was working with Nygus in the School Infirmary as an assistant while getting her doctorate. A few more years and she would take over the position fully.

"How many is that now Chrona?"

"Eight today, and a totally of forty since school started up last week. All seemed to have commited the same actions that got them hurt."

"Oh dear…the numbers are up from last year."

"So what can we do?"

Nygus thought for a moment them had a light bulb moment. "Fire up the computer Chrona, was have some writing to do."

After a good hour of work the two presented their work to Lord Death.

_A simple list of Do Not's for new students. We of the nursing staff, Nygus and my assistant Chrona, have deemed it necessary to add this to the school handbook. Yes Lord Death is it Necessary! _

_Students, please use your intelligence and get this into your skulls because we are busy as it is!_

_ - Nygus, School Nurse_

_ - Chrona, Assistant_

**DO NOT….**

1. Mention the number 7 around Death the Kid

The last freshman who did this fled from the school grounds after Kid verbally tore him a new one for writing the number 7 all over his notebooks. His reactions can vary from a verbal attack to getting shot by the Thompson sisters. Just remember he is a Grim Reaper.

2. Go antagonizing Lord Death

He is a Grim Reaper! If you go picking fight…well we warned you. The same applies to Death the Kid. If you show up from a being hit with a Reaper Chop we will just give you an ice pack and send you back to class.

3. Mess with Maka 

The Daughter of Death Scythe always seems to have a book hidden on her person. Don't ask where, we don't know. But those books always seem to hurt the student more then the book. Beware the 'Maka Chop'

4. Ask Chrona to write a poem

I'm sorry for mentioning this, but her writing seems to start a wave of depression. If you don't believe me we have printed a copy of her poems to use on serious cases. It is available in the library next to Edgar Allen Poe.

5. Pick a fight with Black*Star

Just don't. We're busy as it is.

6. Go looking for Excalibur

We won't go into detail about the legendary sword. Just read his book, it's in the library. If you go looking for him just remember we also provided psychiatric counseling.

7. Make perverted statements about Death Scythe's daughter

That man is a bowl of crazy and then some. In his 'Protective father' mode he is 'Hell Hath No Fury'. You have been warned.

8. Mock the number 8

Similarly to rules 1 and 2. Eight is Death the Kid's favorite number, if you mock it and he finds out. You will be dead or in a coma.

9. Damage School Property

If it makes the school look asymmetrical Death the Kid will come after you before going off to fix it himself. Please refer to 1,2, and 8 about possible consequences.

10. Break in Dr. Franken Stein's house

A student has done this before to get test answers. He was badly beaten up for it. Stein does not appreciate unwelcome company. You might end up as one of his dissections if caught, and statistics say you will because that man can hone in your soul.

"I'll make sure this is added to the handbook." Lord Death stated. Not sure if he should be worried that his son was the reason for a majority of these warnings.

A/N: If you give me good examples I will be happy to add them.


	2. Chapter 2

DWMA Guidelines

_11 -13 were inspired by Crona's True Sorrow._

"Chrona! We need to add some more entries to the list!"

"The computer is on Nygus."

_11. ONLY LORD DEATH CAN DEFY PHYSICS!_

I have no idea why anyone tried to do this. But please remember that ONLY LORD DEATH CAN DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS BY STANDING ON A ROLLER COASTER. And no he will not teach you how to do this.

_12. Don't make Chrona depressed._

Please, I need my assistant. Enough said.

_13. Do not question Patty Thompson_

To question her is to be driven to madness. Asking why she like giraffes, and acts the way she does will only give you a headache or a possible ulcer.

_14. Do not attempt to take Beelzbub from Death the Kid_

Whoever the anonymous idiot that tried to steal it, you can see Dr. Stein to get you big toe reattached after you pick it up. We have it on ice.

_15. Do not anger Tsubaki_

We of the DWMA medical staff have no idea how this was even humanly possible but it happened...do you relize that you almost unleashed a great evil? I swear, not even the Kishin released that much anger.

_16. Do not steal Liz Thompson's make-up_

The last person needed to get a complete facial reconstruction.


	3. Chapter 3

DWMA Guidelines

9foxgrl

-Inspired by PrankK1ng (7-10)

It was a month since the last revised handbook came out. Nygus groaned in frustration. While the most serious cases had gone down 20%, some of the other petty attacks had gone up 56%.

"Chrona..."

"I'm already at the computer." Chrona said as she rolled her chair over.

7. Do Not Call Soul Uncool

I do not know who is dumb enough to do this. But he will make Freddy Kruger look like a puppy. Incase you forget. HE IS A SCYTHE!

8. Do not point out Death the Kid has only three stripes on one side of his head

Please refer to the first set of DWMA Health Guidelines. If you manage to live his depressive breakdown watch out for retaliation.

9. Do not do Number 8. around Liz and Patty

Seriously. Refer to number 8 and to the first set of DWMA Health Guidelines. The retalitation may seem humorous...but watch out for the retaliation of the twin pistols and their Meister.

10. Do not tick off Ragnarok

While this weapon is part of the school's nursing assistant, remember he is lethal. I know several of you students you not be as so bold to hurt Chrona...but still. Don't try it.

11. Do Not attempt to peek under a Grim Reaper's mask

Not even us of the medical staff know what his face looks like and we asume that if we tried to without asking...we would die.

12. Do not ask Death the Kid what his father's real face looks like

Do not go to him. He already warned us in advance that all bribers will be shot.

13. Do Not encourage Black*Star 

A very bad idea. Very scary. Do not tell him that he is a God. He is egotistical as it is.

14. Do not attempt to recreate Maka's 'Maka Chop'

Don't. We have to treat enough of her victims as it is.


	4. Chapter 4

DWMA Guidelines

9foxgrl

15-18 were brought to you by **boob tubewatcher3452**

CRASH!

Chrona sighed as she slammed the door to the Infirmary. It was not another week since the newest revision of the handbook and yet it did little to lower the numbers of the injured coming to see her and Nygus. Today had been the first day she had to watch the Infirmary all by herself while Nygus and Sid went on a mission.

After eight of Kid's victims she left momentaryily to go to his class and slug him only to find four more infractions she had to add to the next revision. So of course she returned to the office...after slapping Kid silly of course.

15. Do not try to steal Dr. Stein's chair

_Why anyone is dumb enough to do this we of the medical staff have no idea. It will not end well and the odds say that will more then likely end up as his experiment and we will not save you unless. _

16. No sticking items through Sid's head 

_This coincides with number 15 and will similar circumstances. It's not a smart idea to badger a 3-Star meister. If you don't take us seriously, go ask his adopted son Black*Star he will break down and start crying._

17. Do not feed Patty candy

_Especially before a mission. Death the Kid as threaten to shoot anyone who does this again. _

18. Do not remind Marie of 'the toilet incident'

_She'll destroy a toilet than destroy youand you will lose all sense of safety, like Charlie Brown._

19. Do not tell Marie that she wil never find a husband

_Again, this will not end well. She is called 'Marie the Crusher', 'Marie the Smasher', etc... for a reason. _

20. Do not steal Patty's giraffe

_Although she may have several giraffe(s), it is still not a good idea to take them away. It will more than liekly result in you breaking your neck either by her hand or by gravity when you jump out a window to escape her rampage. _

21. Do not attempt to breaking into Death Manor

_Do we need to remind you to that TWO GRIM REAPERS LIVE THERE? If you are shot, stabbed, or Reaper Chopped, we will just give you basic First Aid then sent you away. _

Chrona sighed as she emailed the new rules to the printing room. She looked up as Kid came in with two bright red slap marks on his face curtsy of her.

"Death the Kid."

"Chrona..."

Chrona tossed him two ice packs and resumed to her work.

"So what did I do to deserve these?" Kid said as he pointed to his bruised cheeks.

Chrona raised a brow. "Have you read any of the revised DWMA Guidelines?"

"No."

Chrona rolled over to her book shelf and tossed him a copy. "Read that, then come back and talk to me."

Kid sighed then settled down on a bed and started reading.

"Death the Kid, go back to class."

"That's alright, I'm not going to miss anything." Kid said as he got comfortable. "Besides, I thought you would like some company. And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Kid."

Chrona twitched.

The next day a new rule was added to the handbook.

22. Do not piss off Chrona

_The impossible has happened curtesy of Death the you do not know what happened, she is the reason we lost a third of the school's west wing and why Kid is suddely terrified of all nurses. _


	5. Chapter 5

DWMA Guidelines

9foxgrl

**23 - 35 were by SecretiveLife**

**36 - 38 were by PrankK1ng**

Nygus could not believe her eyes or her ears when she returned to the school after completing the mission with Sid. Half of the West Wing was gone. From the broken up rumors she found out that Chrona had something to do with it as well as Lord Death's son. She didn't know what happened between the two but they were not in the school so she couldn't ask.

But while on the mission she came up with several more rules that need to be placed in the next handbook. By Death she had forgotten all about them.

23. do not call maka flat chested

_It will not end well. You will either be 'Maka Chopped' or castrated by Spirit._

24. DO (not) call blackstar an annoying little shit 

_It happened only once...that freshman was never seen again._

25. Do not piss off patty in any way or she'll use her 'scary voice'

_It is the evil side of her you DO NOT want to see. _

26. Do not try to force maka to play basketball

_A book will end up either crashing into your head or your face. _

27. do not try to steal one of maka's books

_She is like a mother bear when her cub is threatened. Not pretty. Soul barely survived the first time. _

29. do not ask maka where she hides her books

_Black*Star asked her once...he was in coma for a month. _

30. do not flirt with maka while soul is around

_You will be cut apart. _

31. do not talk bad about maka while soul is around

_You will be killed._

32. do not talk about spirit around maka

_While she hates him, she does not allow for others to talk bad about him. _

33. do not ask soul if he is albino

_...the answer is obvious_

34. do not refer to soul as an 'albino bastard' or 'octopus head'

_Will not end well. _

35. do not touch any paintings in the halls for fear of ruining the symmetry

_Death the Kid will murder you in his sleep. He has a 'assymetrical'detector for a brain. _

36. Do not even think about sneaking into the women's bathroom to spy on tsubaki

Something sharp and pointy will end up in your skull.

37. Don't even think about trying to grope Maka in front of soul and/or spirit

_You will be dead faster then you can scream for help. We stil haven't found all the pieces of the last guy. _

38. Don't even bother Marie about her eye patch.

_Remember she is a weapon...of mass destruction!She probably won't tell you anyway. _

Nygus printed the rules out and was about to head home when she foun Lord Death standing near the doors to one of the balconies laughing quietly with Spirit.

"Is something wrong?" Nygus asked. She peered betweened them and spotted Chrona and Kid on a a date of some sort.

"Didn't she beat the daylights out of him the other day?" Nygus asked.

"Yes, but in order to apologize she agreed to go on a date with him." Lord Death laughed. "They're so cute~!"

"Spirit what are you doing?"

"What? I can't spy on people?"

"No...I thought you would be tailing Soul and Maka since I overheard that they were going on a date tonight."

"..."

"Spirit?"

"I'LL TEAR THAT BASTARDS BALLS OFF!" Spirit yelled attracting the attention of the two younger adults.

Nygus sighed. Spirit just broke several of the rules. This was not going to end well.


	6. Chapter 6

_Final Chapter of DWMA Guidelines!_

9foxgrl

Ch. 6

**Don't have patty sing "the song that never ends"**

- While it did defeat that nasty Kishin…Kid never forgave her for singing repeating it for a week after.

**Don't attempt to steal Stein's screw**

- You will be dissected into little pieces and probably sewn together wrong.

**Don't grope Liz**

- Your face will be broken.

**Don't bring Excalibur to the school**

- There is seriously team calling themselves the Minute Men ready with torches waiting for him.

**Don't call Soul a piece of emo shit**

- The last guy was never entirely found.  
><strong><br>Don't compare Maka to Blair**

- The last person who made that mistake is still in the ICU.

**Don't tell Spirit that Chupa Cabra's burned down**

- It took all the adults and the Spartoi to keep him from .

**Don't ask Stein how he would dissect someone**

- He will take you seriously.

**Don't insult Black*Star's intelligence**

- No one is sure why but he will challenge you to a game of chess.

**And don't grope Tsubaki infront of Black*Star**

- If his weapon and her friends don't kill you he might.


End file.
